Session 1615

“Beliefs About Appearance”

Sunday, August 29, 2004 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Ester (Ashule)

(Elias’ arrival time is 13 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good morning!

ESTER: Good morning!

ELIAS: (Chuckles) What shall we discuss?

ESTER: Give me a second; I had so many things I wanted to talk about. (Elias chuckles) I’ll just list them off.

ELIAS: Very well! (Laughs)

ESTER: Okay, what can we talk about?

ELIAS: (Chuckles) It is your choice!

ESTER: Yes, I know! (Long pause) A subject I wanted to talk about was all this stuff related to what I’m doing or what I’m having with sexuality, with attractiveness, attraction, and all those beliefs and things about that, being attractive.

ELIAS: Very well, offer specifics.

ESTER: Let’s start with, I guess I’m struggling with what I find attractive. (Long pause)

ELIAS: What you view to be attractive in other individuals or in yourself?

ESTER: Both.

ELIAS: And what do you assess is your struggle in association with what you find to be attractive in other individuals? (Very long pause)

ESTER: In a way, let’s say I’m attracted to a specific physical appearance...

ELIAS: Very well.

ESTER: ...and I guess it’s something I am not. Let’s say what I consider beautiful, I’m not that, and I guess I’m struggling with it because I almost feel like I’m rejecting myself by finding somebody else beautiful and attractive.

ELIAS: Therefore, you are comparing yourself with other individuals.


ELIAS: And what do you assess, in your perception, generates beauty in another individual?

ESTER: My first reaction would be I’m attracted to the physical first.

ELIAS: Which, generally speaking, most individuals are.

ESTER: (Laughs and sighs; long pause) Let’s skip this. I don’t feel comfortable talking about that right now.

ELIAS: Very well.

ESTER: Let’s just move on to me. I can talk about me! (Laughs)

ELIAS: Very well.

ESTER: I guess part of what I’m talking about right now about me is I’m uncomfortable how I look, because in my case I’ve gained weight, a little bit. It makes me uncomfortable, and I guess I’m not accepting that because I can still feel myself fighting it.

ELIAS: First of all, let me express to you that it is not bad or wrong to prefer a particular type of appearance with yourself. I am aware that there are beliefs concerning vanity that are perceived to be bad or that there are automatic assessments that if an individual is too occupied with their physical appearance being expressed in a particular manner that the individual is perceived to be shallow, less spiritual and less of an intricate individual, which is not necessarily true.

Each individual incorporates differences in their preferences concerning physical appearance, and to prefer that you express your physical appearance in a certain manner is not bad. But with yourself, and with many individuals, what occurs many times is that the individual incorporates beliefs concerning appearance that involve beliefs concerning yourself as an individual, your value and your depth, and that if you are preferring that you express a particular type of physical body appearance that that also suggests that you are more shallow and concerning yourself with elements of your physical reality that should not matter, and that regardless of your physical appearance, you should be accepting of yourself in whatever manner you express your physical appearance. That is a strongly expressed belief, but it is not true for that does not allow for preferences. (20-second pause)

But in this, let me also express to you, what occurs is that these beliefs that express if you are concerning yourself with physical appearance too much that you are less spiritual and incorporate less depth as an individual, those are the beliefs that are being expressed, and therefore, that is where your concentration is. Therefore, you create in a manner to reflect those beliefs, for you are not acknowledging your preference. You are expressing a judgment with regard to your preference, and therefore, you create the expression of your beliefs.

Now; if you evaluate these beliefs and you recognize that you have perhaps generated these beliefs into your own truths, rather than discounting yourself or attempting to eliminate, once you recognize that you are addressing to one of your truths, you may begin to also realize that it may be one of your truths but it is not true. And as I have expressed many times previously, all of your truths, all of your beliefs incorporate many different influences. Therefore, it is a matter of recognizing what belief is influencing your perception and thusly creating this reality, and which influence is being expressed, and allow yourself thusly to evaluate what other influences are associated with that same belief.

Many times individuals confuse themselves, for they attempt to identify a belief that is influencing and what they view is that there are many beliefs intertwining that are all influencing. In actuality, generally speaking, there may be more than one belief influencing in any scenario or situation, but generally speaking, what you are actually viewing is not many different beliefs but many different influences of one belief. Once you begin to allow yourself to recognize different influences of any particular belief, you allow yourself your freedom, for you allow yourself to choose which influence you more prefer. (Long pause)

ESTER: Just to be clear, when you mentioned when I was thinking about my weight, the belief... I’m trying to think about something but it is not there. (Pause)

How many focuses have you and I shared in this dimension?

ELIAS: Sixteen.

ESTER: We have been friends before?


ESTER: The problem right now is I’m also struggling about this thing with you, because I don’t want it to become like a teacher thing. I want it to be more like a friendship, where we’re relaxed and talk, which I think I’m doing, but I feel myself pulling in and out of that.

ELIAS: I am understanding, for you view myself to be an authority figure. That sets a barrier, which creates a hindrance in association with attempting to generate friendship.

In this, regardless of whether you perceive myself to be an authority or not, if you are allowing yourself to acknowledge yourself and express the appreciation of yourself, you allow yourself to perceive yourself as a peer. Regardless that you may continue to view myself as an authority, in the acknowledgment and appreciation of yourself you may be interacting with me in friendship anyway.

ESTER: (Laughs) Oh man! It’s very disconcerting, because part of me, the deep, feeling, sensitive part, can feel the friendship part, but my head doesn’t feel it. (Sighs)

ELIAS: I am understanding. What would you discuss with a friend? What do you discuss with your friends?

ESTER: It depends on the friend and what I want to talk about in that moment, whatever pops into my head or whatever I have a concern with. It will definitely depend on the friend.

ELIAS: Or whether you feel comfortable with a particular friend.

ESTER: Exactly, that’s the whole point. Because what I want to discuss right now, I would have to feel very comfortable with my friend.

ELIAS: I am understanding. And you are not generating that comfort in this now with myself, for you are discounting yourself.


ESTER: I’m discounting myself?

ELIAS: Yes. You are elevating me and discounting you, and you are also generating a hesitation for you are incorporating judgments with yourself concerning the subject that you wish to be discussing. You are projecting that to myself in anticipation that I shall judge you also or that I shall incorporate disappointment with you.

ESTER: Yes, and I’m incorporating embarrassment, too.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

ESTER: But what is embarrassment, the feeling of embarrassment?

ELIAS: That is a discounting of yourself and an expression that involves your concern of the other individual’s perception of you. You are already discounting of yourself, and you also incorporate a concern that the other individual that you are engaging and interacting with will also be discounting of you and that they shall incorporate that perception also. In this, the embarrassment is associated with the discomfort of exposing. The discomfort of exposing is associated with your judgment of yourself, but it is also associated with your perception of the other individual and desiring their approval.

ESTER: Oh, back to the approval thing, huh? Yes, I’ve been watching these last few hours, since late yesterday, unfamiliarity. I think I’m enjoying that word.

ELIAS: Exposure may be quite a challenging expression to move into.

Now; I shall, in this present now, express a suggestion, for I am quite aware of your energy and how tightly you are holding to it and how you are unwilling to be expressing that exposure in this now. In this present now, what you are moving into quite quickly is overwhelming yourself.

Therefore, my suggestion is that we stop, and you allow yourself a time framework to be evaluating this subject that you very much do wish to discuss but you are not ready. In this, in this present now, it is not necessarily beneficial to continue with this conversation. For I am aware that you are not allowing my energy to penetrate, and therefore, whatever I offer to you is not being received and therefore not necessarily a benefit.

My suggestion is that we discontinue this conversation in this now and to continue in another time framework in which you may allow yourself to relax more and to trust yourself. If you may not trust yourself, perhaps you can allow yourself to move into a trust of me. I shall in the interim time framework be offering my energy to you in helpfulness and in supportiveness that you may allow yourself to trust that you may engage conversation with myself in friendship and I shall not be expressing judgment of you. Are we agreed?

ESTER: (Emotionally) I’m having a hard time with that one, but... Wow.

ELIAS: It is not a discounting of you; it is an allowance of you. This now is an opportunity for you to actually engage evaluating and appreciating yourself and allowance of yourself — not to be judging yourself. And I shall engage conversation with you quite soon, but with less tension. Agreed? (Pause)

ESTER: (Emotionally) I’m feeling very...

ELIAS: (Kindly) Be gentle with yourself, my friend, and accept my energy of gentleness with you.

ESTER: Thank you. That’s why I’m having a hard time (inaudible).

ELIAS: I offer to you tremendous love and a calm energy to be helpful and encouraging of your own gentleness and calm within yourself. We shall engage conversation again. In genuine friendship and in genuine love to you, I express au revoir.

Elias departs after 34 minutes.