Session 1703

“A Question from Mary”
“Allow Yourself a Moment to Find Your Response”

Sunday, January 30, 2005 (In-Person)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Lynda (Ruther)

(Elias’ arrival time is 17 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good morning!

LYNDA: Good morning! I love you — I’m happy to see your face. I have a question for Mary, one of her once every four or five years questions. (Elias chuckles) It’s big, and then I will take a little bit of time and give you my evaluation of where I’m at with my recent discoveries and just get a little connection at this point. I’ll start with Mary’s question.

Mary has discovered one of her truths, and it’s an absolute. Her question is, “The way I validate my experiences as being real is by experiencing events that generate a reasonable outcome.” She asked me to give this example. She had a DVD and she put it in a bag in the back seat of the car. I witnessed part of the action, although I didn’t exactly see her do that, but I knew she was doing something. We drove home. She took the bag out of the car and she brought it into the house. Later she went to get the DVD, and it was gone.

She tore the car apart. She tore the house apart, and became very confused and frustrated about it. Since that time, she’s giving herself information, because of her frustration, that she’s addressing or looking at a truth and very absolute about it. She goes on to say — and this is leaning in the direction of her question for you — “If my experiences are being created in what appears to me to be a reasonable sequence and a reasonable conclusion to those experiences occurs, that’s how I verify to myself that those experiences were real in my reality, and that creates the foundation of what I perceive to be real. If all of the sequences of events don’t yield the reasonable conclusion, I don’t seem to have any other basis for verification that my experience is real. How do I know what it is that I’m creating is real?” That’s her first question to you.

ELIAS: I am understanding. (18-second pause) The validation or the verification of the reality of the experiences is generated in each moment. Therefore, in each moment of each sequence of each event, the experience that is occurring in that moment is its own outcome. Therefore, in the example offered, each action in what has been perceived as a sequence of events is an outcome in itself and each outcome is real. Therefore, each action that Michael engaged in what he perceived to be a sequence was an outcome in itself in each moment, each action. Retrieving the object was an action and was an outcome in that moment. Placing the object in the bag was another outcome and a real action and a real experience. Not discovering the object in the bag was another outcome and a real experience.

I am understanding of his confusion, and an element of that confusion lies in the association of the sequence. Within your reality, it appears that you generate actions in a sequence, and that is a familiar manner of perceiving your reality. It also moves quite in conjunction with your perception of time, which is linear. Therefore, it appears also to be being created in a sequence. The key term is “appearance.” But it is not necessarily being generated in a sequence. The verification of experiences is generated in the moment, in the now, and accepting what you have generated in each moment as your reality, regardless of whether it actually fits into a particular sequence or not.

LYNDA: She has a part-two question. Can I continue with that?


LYNDA: “I’m noticing that I’m seeing absolutes as being a bad thing. But even that, as an aside, I’m having a hard time trying to figure out how to not be absolute about this truth. You, Elias, have been talking about this all along, but there’s some piece of it I’m not getting. What is it that I’m not hearing in what you are saying? Maybe this is the first time I’m experiencing one of my truths.” And that’s why she says her reaction was so strong “and maybe it’s all been only theory to me.” So that was her second part.

ELIAS: And the question?

LYNDA: The question is she wants to know... Oh, you just described what the piece is. The piece is the sequence of events. She’s wanting to know what piece she’s missing and why she was so frustrated. What piece in your talking about absolutes in this truth wave has she not heard, because she assumed she hasn’t heard it or she would not have been so frustrated and freaked out about this last experience. So she’s asking you what piece has she not heard.

ELIAS: Very well. Your truths are what?

LYNDA: Well, preferences at times and...

ELIAS: No, preferences are associated...

LYNDA: Beliefs!

ELIAS: Are associated with your truths, but your truths are what?

LYNDA: Beliefs.

ELIAS: Which...?

LYNDA: You align strongly with, that you think are absolute.

ELIAS: Correct. Your truths are those beliefs that you have generated into absolute.

Now; what I have expressed in association with your truths is what? You are not eliminating your truths. Therefore, if what Michael is identifying as one of his truths is that he generates absolutes, if the absolute is his absolute truth, the absolute is not being eliminated, for he is not eliminating his truth. His truth is not bad, nor are any of your truths bad nor are any of them wrong.

As I have expressed, your truths are your guidelines in how you express yourself, in how you behave, in how you perceive, in how you create your individual reality. What I have expressed is not that your truths are wrong, not that they are bad, not that they should be changed, but merely recognized as being true to you but not necessarily applicable to other individuals. Therefore, Michael’s absolutes are his truth and do apply to him and are his guidelines in how he creates his reality, but those absolutes do not necessarily apply to other individuals.

In this, you may express to Michael my acknowledgment that for the most part, not entirely but for the most part, he already is applying this element of not attaching his truths to other individuals. He already is recognizing that his reality is not necessarily other individuals’ realities. I am recognizing that the confusion lies within his own experiences, not in association with what other individuals create or in differences with other individuals. But he is also not acknowledging that element of what he is already doing.

Therefore, he has understood what I have been expressing, and he is already expressing that in action and perception. The element that he is generating confusion with is associated with sequence, and recognizing that whatever his absolutes are, they are his absolutes. It is not a question of changing them to not be absolutes, for your truths are your absolutes. It is merely a matter of recognizing that they are not absolutes with other individuals, but recognizing that they are with you.

LYNDA: These are big pieces to define inside herself. She did say that she understood, that she gets it about absolutes and differences, but I think the acknowledging piece is the missing link there. So, that’s a good one. Thank you.

ELIAS: You are welcome.

LYNDA: Is there anything else you would like to add? (Elias shakes his head)

All right, part two. Actually, this helps me in what I’ve been looking at with regard to our last session about what I have discovered is the beginning construct of the fear monster, the queen who thinks she’s better than everybody. I have passed through the last few weeks since then going from automatic trash mode, to numb, to confusion, to looking at this as unconscionable, to hating even my choice to be born into a Jewish family, and really gone in a direction of bad.

I’m at this point — especially since talking to Mary last night about my automatic comparing and the camouflage I project out — which is really, I think, the first time I began to hear you guys, and I include both of you in that. I’m just wanting to acknowledge that, and hopefully we can start discussing ways I can... I feel like I’m on the brink of getting it and dissipating the force of the comparing and automatic discounting and start becoming more aware of who I am. I started yesterday by listening to Mary talk to me about my natural gift of relating and schmoozing. That’s one thing I can say that would be a good reason for me to be here, and also I’m common and emotionally focused and so is most of the forum.

But more than that, I want to really acknowledge that and to try to balance out this other, and I really see... I thought even asking for validation was bad. I know we’re sort of starting at a new beginning point with me. I just want to tell you that I’m beginning to see this in a way I don’t think I have before, and again, feel this inside-myself sadness that I’ve so discounted myself to the point of not even being able to find anything because I think I have to be a standard of what somebody else is doing that’s good, and I didn’t accomplish in this or I didn’t succeed in that.

To finish off, what I’m saying is Mary and I talked about it last night. Being common makes it more confusing, because I naturally produce and express and get validation from my objective creations and productions and conversations and whatever I do. So when I see that the challenge... I guess what I’m saying to you is that I’m not dead. I plowed through this and here I am. The unconscionable to me is no less unconscionable, but I guess what I’m wanting to tell you is that I see why I have camouflaged this and why I get intimidated and confused when asked the simplest questions, like... I’m sorry, let me back up. I’m confusing two things here.

The camouflage is me being a ditzy blond and being intimidated. For example, when you asked me what is the thing with truths, is it absolute, and I had to dig inside my head for the answer. I thought, “Oh, shit! A test question!” and I panicked. I ultimately gave myself the answer, but in my opinion, people should be direct and have a brain in their head and be able to answer that question, but this is not my strong suit. I get intimidated, I back off, and I think I’m stupid; then, I get the answer and relax. Which is probably like a lot of people, so I’m not saying I’m alone in that, but my conflicts at work are because I do feel intimidated and back off.

I see where I get confused and throw out a camouflage because I think I should know more than I do and in that moment, I don’t. I don’t give myself time to get the answer that I’m being asked for, for example, and I immediately go into trash mode and go, “God, I’m so stupid!” I’m seeing that in a new way, so that’s one piece. The queen piece is that I think I’m better than everybody or I think I’m better, more special.

All of that, I think, is because for my whole entire life, I only get glimpses of how unique and special I am in moments and then I forget it. I’m not saying I’ve never gotten glimpses of that knowing piece. I have my whole life. I just want to tie them together in a more reference-able, expanded experience so I can go there and not trash myself as often as I do. Is that possible to do?


LYNDA: I guess that’s my question of the day. I’d like to ask you about that and maybe you’re going to tell me to go back to my noticing homework. I’m happy to do it; I just would like a little input from you about that.

ELIAS: In what capacity?

LYNDA: First, I would like you to tell me I’m on track with what I’ve noticed so far.


LYNDA: I perceive right now that my biggest obstacle is the automatic comparing and instantaneous trashing for things I perceive are bad or that I should be doing better. I think, too, that I feel so bad about this queen thing, and I’m so judgmental of it inside myself, that I’m trying to make myself be all things to all men, which I don’t think is my natural movement, but that’s a big belief for me, equality, we should all be one. I’m also noticing that, which I want to throw in, too. I haven’t quite gotten to my resting piece of preferences, of what really is my truth about that, because I’m so distorted by how bad I think the queen is.

I guess I have two things to ask you about this. If the queen is an aspect, there must be other aspects that I can maybe pull in, and maybe that would help me not trash myself. Is that a reasonable question to you?

ELIAS: The queen is not an aspect.

LYNDA: What’s the belief, I guess I should identify that.

ELIAS: You have identified the belief.

LYNDA: The belief is the queen. (Elias nods) Oh, it’s a queen belief. All right, the queen could be a princess. (Elias nods) I see. I’ve never let myself be one of those, actually, because I think it’s so unconscionable to be queen. That explains a few things.

ELIAS: Now; what you can do in moments in which you are noticing an automatic response — such as your example with myself and my presentment of a question — in that moment, notice your automatic response and do not respond. Allow yourself a moment to find your response.

LYNDA: That’s a good one, not to automatically think, “Oh, God, I’m being stupid, and if I pause, you’ll think I’m stupid.” So, pausing is a dead giveaway that I’m stupid, but pausing, in truth... This may sound very elementary to whoever, but the actual pausing, even recognizing that I think I’m stupid in the moment, is giving myself time to answer. So the automatic response doesn’t become my enemy, cast in stone.

ELIAS: Correct.

LYNDA: I’ve been trying to eliminate that response.

ELIAS: And I may express to you, generally if an individual pauses initially when posed with a question, the other individual that is posing the inquiry generally perceives precisely what is occurring, that the individual responding is evaluating the question, and in the evaluation of the question, is also evaluating how they choose to respond. Therefore, the individual that you are interacting with is not perceiving you as being stupid, but is perceiving you in precisely what you are doing, pausing and finding your answer.

LYNDA: Of course, I panicked last night when I was talking to Mary because I was so aware of this ditzy persona of mine which has permeated my very reality for so many years. I became a little overwhelmed to think that it was even possible to reconfigure that energy as I (inaudible). But that’s another story.

When we talked about all that, it does seem overwhelming to me. I won’t hide that from you, but I also have this little tiny spark inside of me that thinks it’s possible. Mary’s been a good example to me.

ELIAS: It is quite possible.

LYNDA: I’m not sure why I have tears in my eyes right now. I just think it’s because I’m so hard on myself. It’s not good.

ELIAS: This is the reason that I continue to reiterate the importance of paying attention to what you are actually doing in the moment. You are addressing to very strong automatic responses, and automatic responses are precisely that, automatic.

Let me express to you, your fear of being perceived as stupid is expressed in the moments that you do not pause. In the moments that you do not pause and you respond immediately, you are projecting that energy, perceiving yourself as stupid. This is the manner in which you may alter that. In pausing and offering yourself a moment to discover your answer or your response, you project a different energy.

LYNDA: I’m thinking of an experience recently at work, where someone asked me a question at my desk and I didn’t jump and try to give an answer. That was a good example of that, and it changed the atmosphere a little bit. So I do have a beginning experience of that. That’s good.

I’m going to acknowledge that the job I have was born out of no expectation, and I would like that to continue. I realize I’ve gotten caught up in a few of my own conflicts, but that’s okay. It’s my experience. (Elias chuckles) You dirty rat!

ELIAS: But valuable.

LYNDA: Quite valuable. Well, I’ll just continue on here. I can’t think of anything I want to ask. I mean, there are other things, but maybe we’ll just save those for another session.

ELIAS: Very well.

LYNDA: Thanks for... Just thanks.

ELIAS: You are welcome. We shall speak again.

LYNDA: Fine. Say hi to everyone.

ELIAS: Very well. Carry on, my friend!

LYNDA: I will.

ELIAS: Be encouraged. I express my great love and affection to you.

LYNDA: Thank you.

ELIAS: In fondness and friendship, au revoir.

Elias departs after 38 minutes.