Presence
Topics:
“Presence”
“Definition of Balance”
“Definition of Interconnectedness”
Friday, July 17, 2015 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Linda (Ruther)
ELIAS: Good morning!
LINDA: Good morning, Elias.
ELIAS: And what have you been accomplishing?
LINDA: Well, it’s been a fun few weeks. I’ve been sewing and boating and working on my new refugee class, which has been exciting.
ELIAS: Excellent.
LINDA: Yeah. Sorry, I’m out of breath. (Laughs) Ran up and down the stairs to go get my notes. (Elias laughs) Yeah, I think overall I would say I feel like I’m accomplishing a lot and acknowledging and appreciating it for the most part.
But it’s funny, yesterday I was out walking and just really feeling this pull, like being pulled in so many directions, kind of feeling a lot of energetic tugs. I think in part it’s this pull between the old and the new, old and new associations, old and new paths, in part in regard to a relationship, the relationship with Odie, which I think we’ve kind of reached a new phase. The continuing thing with the work, “job” quote-unquote, and the reviresco path. And now it’s like there’s this present, and then there is this planetary reconfiguration and pieces of our family moving in that direction, like my son moving to Zimbabwe.
And I think I’m just having moments in which I’m having difficulty in finding a balance or finding a place of comfort – not surprising – in between these different dichotomies, which I know aren’t really dichotomies. I was just… I’ve been really feeling it, feeling the sense of adventure and yet feeling (laughs) stymied at the same time. So it’s kind of the bigger picture thing. It’s not the specific questions I had, I have on my list for today, but I… you know just in walking yesterday, realized that there’s sort of that bubbling beneath the surface of everything.
ELIAS: And what are you doing for you, in the midst of all of that?
LINDA: I think sometimes that’s hard to… that’s hard to pick out, because it seems like every, everything I do involves other people. I think last night I sat and watched television episode after episode for four hours, and that was… That’s probably the only thing I can identify that’s discretely for me. Does that make sense? Am I misunderstanding this?
ELIAS: No. I am understanding. And this a significant point in actuality, for this is not specifically in relation to the specific actions and interactions that you are engaging, but in general this is a very common situation with many, many, many individuals including yourself, in which you become involved with so many actions and so many interactions. And even if you are not directly involved with certain actions such as your son and him moving, you are not personally physically involved with the action of him moving or moving with him, but you are involved with interaction with him and you are involved with him in his energy and in maintaining the relationship. And, therefore, that creates a scenario in which you are thinking and feeling about the other individual and what they are doing.
All of this can create somewhat of an overwhelm, even if it is what you term to be good, even if what you are doing is accomplishing and even if you are enjoying many of the actions and interactions that you are engaging. It can become overwhelming. And the reason – this is the important point – that it becomes overwhelming, is that you very easily become lost in all of the actions, and what that means is very easily stop being present.
Now, momentarily, let us genuinely focus on that statement and what that means. For, this is a piece that is very important and very easy to lose. Very easy to lose.
Now, momentarily, allow yourself to merely think about a conversation. Think about a conversation that you have with your partner, or think about a conversation that you have with your sister. It matters not. While you are engaging the conversation, what are you doing? Generally speaking. I acknowledge that at times you may be present, but I use this as an example for it is an easy example to recognize.
Now, when you are engaging a conversation with another individual, what actually automatically happens is you are focusing your attention in one direction. You are focusing your attention on the other individual and what they are saying, which seems very natural. You are listening to what the other individual is saying and you are participating and you are responding and then you are listening again and you are responding, and you are engaging this back and forth action.
But the significant element in this scenario is that if you were to actually genuinely evaluate what is occurring, your attention is singularly focused on the other individual, and this becomes emphasized. I will inject this piece into this scenario, as an illustration. Let us say that another individual is in another room and calls you and interrupts your conversation, or an animal begins generating a behavior such as barking or running that distracts you and interrupts your attention in your conversation. In that moment you, without thinking, become aware of how much your attention is fixed on the other individual. For when you are distracted in that initial second, there is a moment of disorientation and that disorientation can generally be followed by a moment of frustration or irritation or confusion. Meaning, let us say that you are focused in your attention in this conversation when the other individual calls you and your attention is immediately distracted, or when an animal barks and your attention is distracted.
What is occurring is you are immediately processing. Your attention has been broken in this conversation, but you are attempting to hold that attention with the conversation and divide it to the distraction also. But there is a moment of disorientation: which should I pay attention to? Generally you will pay attention to the distraction and move your attention to that, but you also will generally incorporate an immediate reaction to it.
Now, the reaction may not be strong and it may not be overt, but there will be a slight reaction involved in that situation. And in all of this, the reason that I include that aspect is to emphasize how strongly or how fixed the attention becomes on that outside source, on the other individual, and then to another outside source. And in all of that, where is the factor of you being present?
Now, remember: what does it mean to be present? That means that your attention is in a flexible state, and therefore it is continuously moving from being focused upon some outside source that you are engaging, and genuinely focusing on that and paying attention to it, but also simultaneously moving to be aware to your existence in the moment.
That sounds very simplistic, but in actuality if you genuinely allow yourself to evaluate in many, many, many situations when you are involving yourself with any outside source – it can be a situation, it can be a conversation, it can be an interaction, it can be an action that you are doing that involves some outside source, it can be watering a plant. It matters not what the action is, but in that, your awareness of your actual existence, that your body exists, that you exist – not merely your mind – but that you, in your entirety, exist in that moment, disappears. Therefore, in a manner of speaking, you become a ghost and all that remains is your awareness of your mind, but not any other aspect (chuckles) of you.
Unless you generate a feeling, and then you are aware of your feeling but even that is somewhat disconnected from your awareness of your existence. Which is different from being aware of the now, which is the reason that I do not use those terms interchangeably, that I use them together but they are not the same. That being present and being in the now, I always incorporate those terms individually, for they are not the same. You can be in the now and not be present but it is very unlikely that you will not be in the now if you are present.
LINDA: So it seems like… It seems like much of my life and even now, that I have no sense of being present in the way you describe it, even when I’m alone, much less when I’m interacting with others.
ELIAS: And I would agree, and I would express that this is exceptionally common. There are very, very few individuals that are aware of being present, and even fewer that practice being present consistently.
But in this, the reason that I am expressing this is that is the reason that you experience those time frameworks of overwhelm, even if your assessment is that everything that you are doing is exciting and fun and enjoyable. It matters not. It is not a matter of positive or negative. It is a matter of how present you are or are not, and the more you are not present the more you generate that experience of overwhelm.
And generally also, as you expressed in your example, what individuals do in reaction to that – and this IS a reaction – is that they seek out what they think of as solitude. They engage an action that they can do alone. In that, the idea is that they will decompress and regenerate. But in actuality, that does not occur and what does occur is, generally speaking, the individual will be more aware of feeling tired or fatigued, for what you are doing is not actually addressing the situation and becoming present. But what you are doing is you are engaging some type of distraction and incorporating a time framework in which you are not being interactive with outside sources, but you are not releasing any of that energy.
And in that, what you are doing is you are creating a situation by being alone, in which it emphasizes to you, for now your attention is not distracted by all of those outside sources and therefore your attention moves partially to yourself in the capacity of noticing what you feel. And you notice the feeling of the overwhelm, and you notice the fatigue, and you notice that you are tired and you feel unmotivated – in that time framework in which you think you are relaxing.
There is a difference between relaxing and deflating. When you are deflating, you are not necessarily relaxing. You are merely objectively turning your attention away from all of those outside sources that you have been engaging for a brief time framework, and it is very different from relaxing. Just as if you engage a very rigorous day of boating you may, at the end of the day, be physically tired. And in that, you may choose to collapse in a very comfortable chair and deflate from the rigorous activity of the day, in that physical capacity. Is that to say you are actually relaxing? Not necessarily. Your muscles may continue to be holding tension, for they have engaged an entire day of rigorous physical activity.
And in that, it is possible, not that it would always occur, but it is possible that you can feel tremendously tired and you can retire to bed that evening and incorporate considerable difficulty sleeping, and wonder: “Why am I not sleeping? I am exhausted.” The reason is that you have not actually relaxed and your muscles are holding that tension. You are tired, but you are not relaxed. They are not the same.
This is very common, that individuals are not present, and I cannot emphasize strongly enough how important that is. For that, in itself, changes all of the dynamics. For it changes your choices, it changes HOW you interact, it changes what you do, it changes your allowance of yourself to actually be doing for you, while you are doing for others or with others.
LINDA: So it’ll be a pretty basic question, I guess. (Laughs) Obviously I don’t feel like… I hear what you are describing and I realize that I don’t… don’t do that. I’m not sure I ever achieved that. How does one—
ELIAS: Now, let me also express to you that this is not a matter of tremendous thinking or even tremendous effort. It may initially require a slight effort in being aware, but it is slight. In that, it is merely a matter of beginning to practice with a question to yourself in any given moment throughout your day of: “Where am I?”
LINDA: My brain… I feel like I get that. It’s like okay, I understand what you’re saying in that suggestion you just made, but it’s like my brain never turns off.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Precisely. And, in that, let me express to you, which I have recently with other individuals also, you very often think in such black and white terms, either/or, in the direction of you are either thinking or not thinking.
LINDA: Yes. (Chuckles)
ELIAS: And that in many situations, the assessment is that thinking is bad. No. Thinking is a very useful function and an important function of yourself. In this, it is not a matter of denying that. But I would express to you, if you are, which you have admittedly expressed, not aware of being present, then how can you define balance. What is your definition of balance?
LINDA: It’s just like it’s so… such a crucial cog in everything.
ELIAS: It is, but how would you define it?
LINDA: I don’t know.
ELIAS: What is the appearance of balance? What is the expression of balance? What is it?
LINDA: I think maybe it’s… Maybe that’s what I’m looking for, is that, those moments of no matter what I’m doing or engaging in, to be able to have the presence of myself to know. And I think I don’t, maybe I don’t even have that foundation.
ELIAS: In this, let me express to you: balance is the expression of harmony with yourself in conjunction to everything else.
Now, let me express to you, that does not necessarily mean bliss and it does not necessarily mean never any presentment of conflict or difficulty. For you can actually express harmony in the midst of chaos or in the midst of conflict. It changes the entire dynamic of it. Not that you never will experience frustration again or you will never experience irritation again or that you will never experience sadness. Just as it does not mean you will never experience excitement or elation. Balance is not the elimination of emotional expressions and signals. It is the action of expressing that harmony with yourself, in conjunction to everything else. (Pause)
LINDA: I guess I have moments…I think I have moments of that, that maybe I’ve been—
ELIAS: Every individual incorporates moments of it. And what is amusing about that point is that generally when individuals incorporate a moment of that state of that beingness, of that balance, they generally are surprised and perceive that as an unusual or revelation experience or spiritual experience that they genuinely appreciate and want to recreate. It is not a matter of recreating it. It is a matter of maintaining it.
LINDA: But it’s like, wanting to maintain it even, it’s almost like noticing it and wanting to maintain it disrupts it.
ELIAS: It does. For then (chuckles) you are not doing it any longer. For what are you doing? When you do that, where did your attention move to? It moved away from your present.
LINDA: It moves to the future. I mean it… (Laughs)
ELIAS: It moved away from your present.
LINDA: Right. Right.
ELIAS: And that is the reason that it stops, and you lose that experience. For that is the key component, is that piece of being present. That is an awareness and it involves your attention, your concentration, your perception and it is an interactive action. How can you be in harmony with yourself and everything else if you are isolated? If you are not interactive?
Interaction is not necessarily a physical expression. It can be or it can include that, but it is an action of participation. You cannot generate harmony if there is no participation. Think of a musical chord. If there is only one note, there is no harmony. There must be more than one note. In this, the harmony is not necessarily expressed in a physical capacity, as I expressed, although it can be. But it is the knowing of your presence, (slowly and clearly) your existence in the midst of everything else. That places you in the interaction. That places you in the interconnectedness, which you and I have been discussing considerably for a time framework, that interconnectedness. In this, that places you in it, by being present, by being aware that you exist in all that is occurring around you. And the reason that is ultimately so important is that in expressing that presence, and in that factor itself changing all of the dynamics, it allows you to be aware of not only what is genuinely important to you, but your choices in relation to that importance.
Now, that also, in words, seems simplistic and also to a degree holds little meaning for most individuals. What does that mean? Being aware of what is genuinely important. There are many aspects of what you involve yourself with that contribute to that overwhelm and fatigue in not being present, that you automatically deem are important but you are either generalizing and therefore encompassing, attaching importance to more than is actually important, or you are placing importance upon expressions, actions, situations that are not actually important to you.
LINDA: And is that what I’m…? Is that part of what—
ELIAS: Let me also define to you, in many situations individuals will move in a direction of making important what is important to other individuals because they care about them or they love them.
LINDA: Is that what I’m doing?
ELIAS: Let me finish. In that, the individual perceives that this is the manner in which they connect with another individual, by expressing importance in relation to what is important to another individual.
Now, at times there may be commonalities in importances. In many times, in many situations, there is not. That does not diminish your caring or your love for the other individual, and it does not diminish your interest in them.
Now, what does that mean? And how does that appear? That appears in the manner in which you may be engaging a conversation with another individual, and they may be sharing what is important to them and what they are excited about. And you may be expressing a supportiveness of their excitement, and you are interested in what they are expressing, for you care about them and you know that what they are expressing is important to them. And therefore you are expressing an interest, but the interest is more in them than necessarily the subject. There may be some interest in the subject, but this is the manner of being present, that you can identify: “This subject is not necessarily important to me. The individual is important to me, and I recognize that the subject is important to them and I am invested in them. But I am not necessarily invested in the subject.” That is a key piece.
For when you are not present and when you are not aware, you will automatically invest yourself in the subject also. You will make it important to you, regardless that you are not engaging it. But you will make it important to you, for it is important to another individual. Therefore, when you make it important to you, you begin to involve yourself and invest yourself with it, which is not necessary. And in that, what does that do? It pulls your attention in more directions that are not about you and are not necessarily to your greatest benefit.
Now, let me offer you one more scenario or analogy, to emphasize this subject. You are an individual that possesses a bucket full of 100 marbles, and every day you arise in the morning and you have all 100 of your marbles. And every day, you arise in the morning and as soon as you step your foot out of your bed, you begin spilling that bucket of marbles out. And at the half-point of your day, your bucket of marbles is completely empty. All the marbles have rolled away. You do not even see the bucket any longer. You have none of your marbles. You cannot see your bucket, and you incorporate the rest of the day attempting to gather all of those marbles which you have no bucket to place them in any longer, and you cannot gather all these marbles anyway. They are all gone.
All of those marbles are all aspects of you. (Pause) And they are all moving in all different directions, and they are all rolling, rolling, rolling. They are busy. (Linda chuckles) But they are also all fragmented.
I would express to you, my dear friend, this action of being present is likely one of the most challenging actions that any of you face, for it is so very unfamiliar and all of you have, in varying degrees, that idea implanted in you that it is better to give than to receive, and that if you are a good and kind and compassionate and caring individual, you will always be considering other individuals. But your idea of considering other individuals is not balanced. It is either you consider the other individual or you consider yourself. It is not a matter of both. But it is a matter of both! THAT is the piece of being interconnected. You want to know what the experience of being interconnected is? It is being present.
LINDA: Wow! Okay. (Laughs) Hm. I’m going to have to…
ELIAS: But I would suggest to you not to discount yourself, not to force yourself or push yourself in any directions, but merely begin practicing with asking yourself that question: “Where am I?” And I would express to you, give yourself aids. Place that question in different areas of your home to remind you to ask it. Note it, in different areas of your home, that you will see in each room that you move through and that will remind in any moment – not in every moment – but in any given moment when you see that note, stop momentarily and ask yourself: “Where am I?”
LINDA: I am wondering if… I’ve had this phenomenon happening with my body consciousness recently. One of my successes in reviresco and regeneration has been my eyesight, that I was able to give up my glasses for distance and stigmatism and for reading. And suddenly my eyes seem to have reverted, except for these moments of just extreme clarity or presence – and they seem fleeting, I suppose. But when I am standing in front of my windows or sitting as I am now in my bedroom looking out at my trees, and there’s just a sense… it’s not a sense of connectedness in some other kind of existence kind of state, but there are these moments in which I see trees with such an amazing clarity and awareness that seems to pull me into the present. And it’s like that’s the only moment in which my eyes still have that regenerated state. And it’s just been really confusing as to why this has happened. Am I just—
ELIAS: Precisely. And in actuality, it is very understandable. This is the direction that you are moving in and therefore your body consciousness is complying with your movement. You want to generate that interconnectedness, that presence, that awareness. And in that, you are giving yourself examples and displays of it and what it is not. And I would acknowledge you in that, in how you articulated that. For you are correct, it is not the idea that so many individuals incorporate that if you are experiencing interconnectedness, you feel what the tree feels, you experience the beingness of the tree. No, not necessarily. That would be an empathic experience.
Recognizing your interconnectedness IS that presence. The lack of separation is precisely that. If you are feeling the tree or you are experiencing what the three is experiencing, that IS separation. Now your attention is upon the tree and what it is experiencing, and not on you and what you are experiencing.
Interconnectedness is a genuine recognition that everything is not segmented. Everything is not compartmentalized. That everything is not either/or, it is blended. Therefore you are gazing at the tree as another object in one sense, but feeling that harmony. Remember: harmony cannot be expressed with one note. There must be more than one.
[The timer for the end of the session rings]
ELIAS: And I acknowledge you in that. That IS a genuine moment of being present.
LINDA: All right. Well, that will be beneficial to have that point of reference, I think.
ELIAS: Yes. And I would strongly suggest that you give yourself the aid of noting and reminding yourself to merely ask the question: “Where am I?” And do not attempt to do differently or push yourself in a different direction. Merely ask the question. Asking the question in itself is enough.
LINDA: Okay. Yeah, usually when I ask the question of “Where am I?” it involves pages of journaling and I’m... I’m listening! (Both laugh). This is not that. (Elias laughs) Okay. I appreciate that suggestion.
The timer went off and we just have a couple of minutes. One thing I wanted to ask and this, I think, will segue into a subsequent session, Fern and I both have experienced some degree varying over time of plantar fasciitis, and she had an insight yesterday that resonated with me and it kind of triggered some of the insights we’re having in regard to moving into this new phase of life. And so just quickly, she had the insight that it was associated with limitations that we place on ourselves, not in the sense of constraints but maybe in the sense of old ideas and constructs, like needing to abide by the need for liability insurance or contracts and all of these things that are associated with creating a business or engaging in certain activities. Is that a valid insight?
ELIAS: Yes. I would express that it encompasses much more than that but yes, I would agree.
LINDA: Okay. Well, that’s something maybe we can explore more in subsequent sessions but it was something that resonated with both of us and it resonated, it seemed to fit with some immediate information we had been receiving that was not well received (laughs), that we didn’t want (Elias laughs), we didn’t want to accept.
ELIAS: I would agree.
LINDA: Okay. Okay, great. Well, Brenda sends her greetings as well, and I assume we will both or one of us will be here, either Brenda or both of us in August, and chat with you then.
ELIAS: Excellent. I shall greatly be anticipating of that. And I express tremendous encouragement to each of you, and I shall be present and supportive of you in encouraging you in your practice of being more present.
LINDA: Thank you! I will try to be present enough to be present with it. (Both laugh)
ELIAS: Excellent.
LINDA: Thank you.
ELIAS: Until our next meeting, my dear friend, in wondrous lovingness and affection to you, au revoir.
LINDA: Thank you. I love you too. Bye.
(Elias departs after 1 hour 2 minutes)
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