The Objective/Subjective Soft Thingy
Topics:
“The Objective/Subjective Soft Thingy”
“Creating Intimate Relationships”
“A Matter of Life and Death”
“The Challenge of Soft”
Thursday, August 3, 2000-2
© 2001 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Daryl (Ashrah).
Elias arrives at 4:00 p.m. (Arrival time is 18 seconds)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
DARYL: Hello there! (Elias chuckles) I’m back again for
more! (Laughing)
ELIAS: Very well! (Chuckling)
DARYL: The last time, we were talking about acceptance of self
and orientation, and I wanted to continue talking about those areas.
We also talked about how I sensed a difference between myself and other
people, and I want to explore especially the area of I guess what you would
call emotional qualities, and also the area of relationships.
Because I realized last year, when we were talking about duplicity and
you asked me what it was that was so very unacceptable about me, that it
was that I wanted to interact with people, and it’s not just the interaction
— it’s a certain kind of quality of interaction that I want. I feel
very strongly that it’s something that is considered unacceptable in me
and that other people don’t want, and I feel like I’m bad for wanting it,
and for wanting as much of it as I do. A lot of it has to do with
terms of intensity, rather than being something that nobody else wants,
but I don’t know how to explain that exactly.
In terms of the emotional part, (sighing) especially if I look at models
of what’s considered socially appropriate or psychologically healthy, I’m
constantly giving messages back to myself that I’m too emotional and I’m
too expressive of my emotions, and I don’t control them well enough, and
that I’m too intense as an individual, both by myself and in a relationship.
In relationships, I want intimacy in friendships — I’m talking about
emotional intimacy — as well as with a partner, and a certain quality of
inwardness and sharing of what’s going on inside, and what I would call
an openness between the people involved in the relationship, and I feel
like the degree to which I want this ... it has really been an area of
unacceptance with me, and I’d like to address that. I think some
of it, at least, has to do with orientation, and possibly being emotionally
focused.
One other area is, I like a lot of similarity between myself and a partner,
so we can share as many experiences as possible, and have perceptions that
are similar enough to allow a lot of communication and sharing, but not
identical, and I wonder if that has to do with the mirror thing that we
were talking about last time.
So that’s about it, for what I want to say for now! (Laughing)
ELIAS: (Chuckling) Very well. (Pause)
First of all, you are in actuality identifying influences of several
different mass belief systems.
You are also identifying some aspects of yourself — in what you wish
to be creating in relationships, in recognizing your natural expressions
and your want in the allowance for those expressions — and in this, you
are confusing some information which has been offered in relation to orientations
with your own expressions and the influencing beliefs in relation to perception.
Now; in addressing to these subjects, let me express to you first of
all, many, many, many individuals — in actuality, MOST individuals — move
in a type of direction, in association with the subject matter of relationships,
of wanting to be creating relationships with other individuals that express
similarities to themselves.
Now; in that identification, each individual may express to themselves,
and even to other individuals, many justifications for why they wish to
be creating a relationship with other individuals in the expressions of
similarities.
Many of these identifications are camouflages. They are directly
associated with the individual’s belief systems, which are affecting of
their perception, and in most situations, the belief systems that are being
expressed may also be coupled with aspects of the belief system of duplicity,
which creates the defining expression, within the individual’s perception,
of their own trust and assessment of worth of themselves.
This is projected outwardly in the designation of expectations that
the individual associates with the criteria of what shall be created in
their design of an acceptable relationship with another individual.
Now; in this, each individual moves in an expression of allowance for
SOME differences between themself and the expressions of another individual,
but in actuality, there is not an allowance for tremendous differences.
You wish there to be only few areas of expression that may be exhibited
differently.
Now; you have also expressed the inquiry as to the identification of
mirroring which occurs in association with orientation, of which you are
referring to the orientation that you hold [of soft].
For I have expressed information concerning this particular orientation,
and the mirror action that occurs between individuals that choose to be
creating a relationship in intimacy holding this same orientation, which
for the most part, although not entirely, this particular orientation exhibits
this type of expression more intensely and more often than the other two
orientations.
You are, in actuality, Ashrah, expressing MANY questions in your direction....
DARYL: Well, I didn’t know how to separate them, because I knew
there was stuff mixed in together, but I know part of it has to do with
orientation, and all of it seems to have to do with acceptance of self
right now with me.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct. This is the one common element
of all of these beliefs and their motivational factor in relation to perception.
Now; in movement into a relationship with another individual in any
form of intimacy, what in actuality creates the most efficient free flow
of energy — in what you commonly, objectively, physically term to be a
working situation of relationship between individuals — is the expression
of acceptance of self within each of the participating individuals.
The expression of a lack of acceptance of self in any area, so to speak,
shall present itself in objective manner within the design of the relationship.
Now; let me express to you, there are individuals that create relationships
with other individuals and may be quite unaccepting of self, and may also
create an outward exhibition of behavior that may surfacely, in a manner
of speaking, sustain the continuation of the relationship. But they
shall not achieve the intimacy that they seek or the expression of joyfulness
that is desired in the design of the relationship, for the energy is projected
in concentration to the camouflage rather than the opening of self, in
relation to an exchange of energy with another individual.
Your conflicts with other individuals arise from your own expression
of a lack of acceptance within self.
Now; let me also express to you that there are individuals throughout
your planet that may express enough of a difference in personality type
that each individual may not necessarily experience an objective draw to
the other individual.
I am not expressing to you that your beliefs are the only factor, in
the design of intimate relationships, that are influencing of whether you
shall allow yourself to be moving freely in that type of a relationship
or not, for there are other factors.
And you are correct — orientation may be another factor that may be
valuable in consideration, in creating intimacy in a relationship with
another individual.
(Firmly) Although once again, I shall caution you — as I have
with other individuals previously — not to be moving your thought process
in the direction of assessing that if you are not holding the same orientation
as another individual, that you may not be creating a relationship with
that individual in an expression of intimacy, for this is incorrect.
You may experience some aspects of difficulty or struggling in your
movement to be creating a translation of communications or languages, but
it is not impossible to be accomplishing that action, and even creating
an expression of intimacy with another individual speaking another language,
figuratively speaking, of another orientation, and create this intimacy
in ongoing fashion and continue in that creation throughout much time framework
of your focuses.
As I have stated, there are many elements of involvement, so to speak,
in this subject matter.
As to yourself individually, and holding your attention with you....
(Pause, taking a deep breath, almost sighing)
Let me express to you, you may be allowing yourself interaction with
another individual of the same orientation as yourself.
In this action, the underlying movement of your language, so to speak,
the design of your perceptions, shall be very similar, and therefore, this
creates an underlying ease in your movement together, and provides a type
of underlying motivation to be continuing in movement together.
I may also express to you that holding this particular orientation creates
a certain expression of what you may term to be “dynamic” between individuals.
This is the mirror action aspect of the combination.
In this, both individuals are creating their movement, so to speak,
subjectively and objectively simultaneously, therefore also creating inwardly
and outwardly. Both individuals shall express holding their attention
not merely outside of themselves in objective manner, but may also express
an intensity of focusing their attention upon self.
Now; as you are aware, in focusing your attention upon self and creating
this subjective movement, and allowing the subjective awareness to be more
closely associated with the objective awareness, in objective terms, this
becomes quite confusing, and you yourself may be misinterpreting what you
are creating. It also may lend energy to your own perpetuation of
issues, and of certain beliefs that you hold quite strongly.
In this, as you involve yourself with another individual holding the
same orientation, they create a very similar action. This may at
times become frustrating to the participating individuals.
Now; I am not discouraging movement into interaction between two individuals
holding the orientation of soft.
I am merely providing you with information, that you may allow yourself
to objectively understand and recognize that you are not necessarily creating
obstacles in this type of relationship, but more, you are creating an interaction
of intensity of mirroring that may move you, through your own allowance
individually, into a motivation of allowing yourself to become more open
and more familiar with self, or it may motivate you in the expression of
not wishing to be participating in that type of intensity.
Now; I shall also express to you, as you involve the elements of emotionally
focused and the intensity of emotions that may be expressed, coupled with
the intensity of experience expressed through the soft orientation, (chuckling,
and Daryl laughs) you may also be creating challenges.
This be the reason that I am continuously expressing to you to focus
your attention upon self, allowing yourself to become familiar with you,
with your natural expressions, with your natural flow of energy, with your
natural intensity of emotional expressions.
In this, as you allow yourself the familiarity with self and you allow
yourself an expression of acceptance of self, you also create less of what
you may term to be a likelihood or a potential of moving yourself into
negative duplicitous expressions in which you are discounting of self.
This is the element of the involvement of the subjective awareness.
Your subjective awareness is not immune to your belief systems. It
moves in harmony with your objective awareness.
In this, the subjective awareness may be continuing to hold to the expressions
of your beliefs and may be continuing to influence your perception, simultaneous
to your objective awareness attempting to be moving in a different type
of expression.
Now; let me also clarify, there is no hidden element. The subjective
awareness is not sabotaging you or any other individual, and is not hidden.
For regardless of your thoughts within your objective awareness and the
movement that you may create in relation to your thoughts, your behavior
and your automatic responses shall be a mirror expression of your subjective
attention and movement. Therefore, they ARE exhibited objectively.
Now; you do not always pay attention to the automatic responses or to
your own behaviors, for many times, you are occupying your objective attention
outside of self.
This is the element that becomes challenging in the expression of individuals
holding the orientation of soft. For you question yourselves, but
as you identify that your attention is moving outside of self, you allow
more of an extreme in turning your attention back to self, so to speak,
with the influence of the negative aspects of duplicity, discounting of
yourselves or reinforcing what is familiar to you. Now....
DARYL: You mean like I go outside and find things that reinforce
the duplicity, and then put it back in, sort of?
ELIAS: Within the expressions of the relationship.
You may be interactive with another individual and they may be presenting
a mirror action to you, and you shall create an automatic response in simultaneously
projecting energy to the other individual as a protection, so to speak,
of self, therefore moving into the expression of offensive in relation
to the other individual, and simultaneously creating a defensive action
within you, and turning your attention in the expression of discounting
of yourself.
There are two actions that occur simultaneously, consistently.
This differs from the actions which are created by individuals holding
the orientation of common or intermediate many times, although as I have
stated, it is not a rule. Therefore, at times, individuals of these
other two orientations may create a similar action. But for the most
part, they may be expressing interaction with another individual, and may
not necessarily move in this type of dual simultaneous response that you
shall respond within.
As you interact with another individual holding this orientation of
soft, they also shall be creating the same action. This may become
quite confusing at times to you both.
DARYL: So, I do that no matter what the orientation of the other
person that I’m interacting with is.
ELIAS: Quite.
DARYL: But then when there’s two of us who are both soft, we’re
both doing it.
ELIAS: Yes, which creates another aspect of confusion within the
interaction and within the relationship, so to speak.
Now; this once again is the importance of familiarizing yourself with
self and allowing yourself the expression of acceptance within self, for
this offers you a type of foothold, so to speak; or figuratively speaking,
an anchor within self.
DARYL: I’m still kinda confused about what you’re talking about.
Could you use an example of that action to help me understand it? (Pause)
Or repeat it again? Because I....
ELIAS: Of the interaction between two individuals holding the
orientation of soft?
DARYL: No, just the one person, like what I always do in terms
of responding to what the other person is doing.
ELIAS: Very well. (Pause)
I shall express to you a hypothetical situation in which you may be
interactive with another individual, and that individual may be in disagreement
with yourself in relation to any particular subject.
It matters not what the subject matter may be. Let us express
that you are engaging within disagreement of a particular subject matter.
You may initially be expressing within yourself an ease in this exchange,
and it may not be concerning to you, within your perception, that the other
individual is not in agreement with you concerning the subject matter.
Now; your interaction may move slightly, and an exchange may occur in
which you perceive the other individual to be expressing in not merely
a disagreement with yourself, but also in slight criticism of your position,
so to speak, in relation to the subject matter.
Now; identify to me, what is instantaneously occurring within your reality
in that moment? (Pause)
DARYL: I’m having trouble hearing. Can you hear me?
(Daryl is fading in and out here)
ELIAS: Yes.
Two actions shall simultaneously occur. One, you shall project
energy outwardly, in response to the other individual, in defense of yourself
in an objective manner. You shall also create an automatic association
of indignation, in part, that the other individual may be in disagreement
with you, and may be even moving in the expression of critical. You
shall also simultaneously create an action within you of doubt and questioning.
DARYL: Okay. I’m not sure if this is the same thing that
I have identified in myself, like when I disagree with someone, and I feel
like I desert myself and join their side.
ELIAS: Many times, this is the same type of expression of which
I am speaking of.
DARYL: Okay, because it really complicates trying to (sighing)
know what I believe....
ELIAS: Quite, and this is the point.
DARYL: Like I lose my footing or something.
ELIAS: And this is the point.
DARYL: Okay, now I do understand what you’re talking about.
ELIAS: This is merely a different expression of camouflage for
the same action, in which you are expressing the doubt of self, and you
are moving into an objective expression in relation to the other individual.
That expression may be offered in a reluctant compliance or it may be offered
in an offensive. It matters not. They are the same movement.
They are merely objectively camouflaged in different manners.
DARYL: Now, within acceptance of self, there’s a different action
that goes on?
ELIAS: Yes. In this, as you allow yourself the foothold
in your acceptance of self, what you create is a quieting of the automatic
response being translated into an objective manner from the subjective
awareness.
Your automatic response within you — of discounting self or doubting
self, and creating your alteration of your opinion, so to speak, in this
type of example, and moving your expression into compliance with another
individual’s expression — this is an objective display of behavior, which
is the mirror of the subjective movement.
Are you understanding?
DARYL: Um....
ELIAS: As I have stated....
DARYL: What I’m doing with the other person is reflecting what
I’m doing inside myself.
ELIAS: Yes.
As I have stated, your subjective movement is not hidden from you.
It is merely expressed in different manners, not necessarily in thought.
It may be expressed in automatic responses. It may be expressed in
actions, in behaviors. It may be expressed in emotion. It may
not be expressed in emotion. You may be creating emotional responses
in similar manner to your thought responses, which may be the objective
action, and the subjective action shall be mirrored through your automatic
responses and your behaviors; actions, so to speak.
Now; in this, as you create your acceptance of self and you create this
foothold, so to speak, within self, you also reduce the objective automatic
response in discounting of self.
DARYL: Will it change the way things are? Because I’m aware
of this going on with myself, and I also then discount myself because it
goes on! (Laughing)
ELIAS: Correct, and you create this circle and you perpetuate,
for you are continuously moving within this circle.
DARYL: It’s like I have a pretty shaky relationship with myself
and concept of self, and it seems that it really plays in with that, and
leaves me with even less of a sense of self.
ELIAS: And this is the reason that we continue to address to the
movement in the action of acceptance of self.
DARYL: Is this a natural expression? I mean, in itself,
apart from whatever else is going on with me?
ELIAS: Yes, in a manner of speaking. It is an automatic
expression.
DARYL: Automatic; okay. (Sighing, and a pause)
ELIAS: Now; let me also express to you, many, many, many times,
individuals of this orientation, yourself also, may be accomplishing this
movement, in the action of acceptance of self initially, with some element
of more of an ease as they allow themselves to be interactive with other
individuals.
Just as you and I have spoken of acceptance and of fear and of trust,
and I have expressed to you that I shall continue to be interactive with
you and offering to you the expression of acceptance, that you may familiarize
yourself with that energy to the point that you may allow yourself to be
expressing this to self, this also moves beneficially in interaction between
individuals within your physical focus. You may be creating a very
similar type of action with another individual, and it may be quite beneficial.
Many individuals holding the orientation of soft, in creating what you
identify as a physical isolation of self, confuse themselves, for they
are confusing the objective and subjective movements that are occurring,
and create a very similar type of action that you are creating in this
circle of perpetuation.
But as they allow themselves to be interactive with other individuals,
they may also allow themselves a temporary gleaning of acceptance from
the other individual, which lends an expression of energy to your own action
in this manner.
Are you understanding?
DARYL: I believe so. (Sighing) How do I accomplish that
instead of repeating the pattern? I’m automatically creating this
if there’s a lack of acceptance from the other individual, correct?
ELIAS: Not entirely, but you are projecting outwardly an expression
of energy which is identified as unworthiness, and therefore, this becomes
mirrored to you.
DARYL: Yeah, that’s what I mean.
ELIAS: In this, as you allow yourself to be creating a very similar
type of movement with another individual that you have created in your
interaction with myself — and with yourself in your movement in relation
to the box — you shall allow yourself to be creating increments of openness
in relation to another individual, and as you create an openness, you also
allow yourself to interact with and experience the openness of the other
individual. (Pause)
(Slowly) Be aware of YOU. Be aware of your reception of
energy, recognizing that if you are experiencing what you perceive to be
a lack of acceptance from another individual, you are projecting that yourself,
and if you are allowing yourself to be noticing of that, you may also allow
yourself to be moving away from that expression.
Now; I shall also express to you, Ashrah, I am quite aware of the challenge
in this type of movement. You have created much time framework, many
years, so to speak....
DARYL: In my mind, I have been aware of it as a projection coming
back to me, but that hasn’t moved me....
ELIAS: It is an automatic action, and you are quite familiar with
it! The movement outside of automatic responses temporarily is requiring
of effort and awareness, for you have created responses that are requiring
of no thought, no effort, and are automatically projected instantaneously.
(Pause)
Therefore, once again, I direct your attention back to you. (Pause)
The more you allow yourself to become familiar with self — without judgment,
which is a key point — the more you shall become familiar with your automatic
responses ... IN the moment, not outside of the moment! (Chuckling)
DARYL: (Sighing) I guess I’m still kind of confused, in
many cases, by where it’s coming from, but as long as I could stop judging
myself so much, I guess it doesn’t matter where it comes from.
ELIAS: This may be a very efficient beginning point!
DARYL: I felt something a couple of days ago, like something inside
of me began to let go of maybe holding onto some of this so tightly, or
whatever. Do you know what that was?
ELIAS: Yes. I am acknowledging of you in your movement.
DARYL: So, was that kind of a loosening?
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct, which may allow you to be noticing
objectively of some differences within your expressions, and some expressions
in more of an ease.
DARYL: Because the biggest effect on me was that it all stopped
seeming so serious, and seemed more ... I don’t know, not exactly like
a game, but it just wasn’t on the same level of emotional ... something!
(Laughing)
ELIAS: Quite, and this you may incorporate also as a method,
so to speak. Allow yourself to be reminding yourself that all that
is within your reality and your focus may be viewed as not so very serious!
You may allow yourself to be playful and to be incorporating humor and
fun within your expressions, and I shall guarantee to you that your universe
shall not collapse in upon itself! Ha ha ha!
DARYL: (Laughing) Thank you for that guarantee! (Elias laughs)
And can you also guarantee that I won’t cease to exist? (Laughing)
ELIAS: Ah! I may also guarantee to you that you shall not
cease to exist in your expression of fun! Ha ha ha ha ha!
You may surprise yourself, and in allowing yourself to be expressing
in less serious manner, you may [be] becoming more visible!
DARYL: I think it’s about time for me to start moving in that
direction.
ELIAS: And you may view yourself to be MORE in an expression of
existence, figuratively speaking. (Chuckling)
DARYL: It would be nice to not feel like it’s life or death all
the time! (Laughing)
ELIAS: Quite, and let me express to you, (chuckling) you may incorporate
humor even within that thought, for what shall be the identification of
life and death? (Chuckling) They are the same!
DARYL: Yeah.... (Laughing, and Elias chuckles)
ELIAS: Therefore, what shall it matter? All of your expressions....
DARYL: If I’m coming from that perception, that they are the same,
but I haven’t been coming from that, so....
ELIAS: Ah, and may you attempt? All of your expressions
regardless are a matter of life and death, so to speak, (chuckling) for
they are all choices, and it matters not, for it is all the same! (Chuckling)
DARYL: It certainly makes things easier!
ELIAS: Quite, and much more pleasurable! (Chuckling)
Therefore, present this to yourself as your exercise within this week,
(chuckling) to be incorporating fun and less seriousness, and recognizing
your continuous expression of life and death, and how it matters not! (Chuckling)
DARYL: Okay.... (Elias chuckles and Daryl sighs)
ELIAS: (Grinning) You may be amusing yourself also, in expressing
this seriousness to yourself in each situation that you encounter.
Ask yourself that question!
Create this statement to yourself: “This is a matter of life and death.
Shall I incorporate brushing my teeth this morning? It is a matter
of life and death.” (Chuckling) “Shall I incorporate offering seeds
to the birds this day? It is a matter of life and death.”
And what is life and death?
DARYL: Fear, in my case.
ELIAS: (Chuckling) Ah, and in this expression, you may be
deflating some of the expressions of that fear.
DARYL: Yeah, I have been doing that to some extent, (sighing)
but I really want to do that more, because I’ve gotten myself so tied up
in knots over things, and there’s no point in it. (Elias chuckles)
It’s amazing how — I don’t know — with belief systems, you can just get
so totally involved in running everything around them, when they have no
validity whatsoever.
ELIAS: Ah! They are quite valid within themselves, but they
are also neutral.
DARYL: Yeah. Well, I mean ... I don’t know. In my
case, (sighing) no one is actually going to come in and kill me if I decide
not to brush my teeth that day.
ELIAS: Quite!
DARYL: But my experience has been, you know, that it IS a life
and death matter.
ELIAS: And this is the point of acknowledging self and continuing
to hold your attention within the now, for [in] the recognition of the
now, you also dispel the fear, for you allow yourself to objectively recognize
that there is no exhibition of threat within the now.
DARYL: Yeah, that’s true. There isn’t.
ELIAS: Threat is illusion. It is a contrived design — which
is anticipated — of some illusive action that may or may not occur.
This is a projection outside of the now, and may be identified more generally
with the expression of imagination, in YOUR definition of imagination.
(Pause)
DARYL: Well, as usual, I have a lot to think about now! (Laughing)
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha ha!
DARYL: Maybe I can try to get someone to interact with me, and
maybe I can do some of this, change things a little bit, and begin noticing
what’s going on.
ELIAS: (Chuckling) And I shall continue to be offering energy
and be encouraging of you, as always.
DARYL: I appreciate that, ‘cause I’m pretty much always aware
of your presence now.
ELIAS: And I continue to be offering to you. (Pause)
I express to you this day encouragement in your movement, and the energy
in supportiveness to you to be noticing — noticing of seriousness, noticing
of playfulness — and acknowledging of self, and I shall be offering energy
in reinforcement.
To you in tremendous affection, Ashrah, au revoir.
DARYL: Au revoir.
Elias departs at 5:11 p.m.
© 2001 Vicki Pendley/Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2000 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.