Thursday, November 9, 2000-2 (Private/Phone)
Participants:  Mary (Michael) and Daryl (Ashrah).
Elias arrives at 5:41 p.m. (Arrival time is 22 seconds)

ELIAS:  Good afternoon!

DARYL:  Bon jour!

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha! (Daryl laughs)

And how shall we proceed this day, Ashrah?

DARYL:  Well, I have a couple of quick questions I want to cover at the end, but I’d like to spend most of this session talking about my natural flow of energy, which I have been requesting interaction with you on that for some time now.  I know it’s kind of scary for me, but I think it’s time for me to increase my movement in that area.

ELIAS:  Very well.  Proceed.

DARYL:  Okay.  I’m aware, as you know from our previous discussions, somewhat about how I’m blocking and diverting in certain areas due to fear and mass beliefs.

Also, I know that my efforts to not exist on purpose also come into play here, and I also am aware, in terms of subjective awareness of my movement or awareness of subjective movement, that I’m very taken with that.  But I also have beliefs around the idea that I need to objectively sort of stimulate that, and I also have the idea that to be aware of that, I need to be alone and isolated.

So that’s kind of what I know already, and I would like information that would help me in my movement and understanding.  I don’t know if you want to discuss my natural flow by itself or also incorporate how I’m blocking it or diverting it ... but information in that area, or whatever you think would be most beneficial at this time.

ELIAS:  First of all, define the direction in which you wish to proceed in relation to the flow of energy — or the natural flow of energy — as it pertains to this movement that you create in your identification of isolation or invisibility.  What is your impression and your direction of assessment of how these two expressions are — or are not — related?

DARYL:  Okay.  Well, the isolation ... I have been quite aware throughout my life of my desire for intimacy and interaction, but I’ve also felt threatened by it.  I’ve been quite aware that I have what I would say are desires in that direction, but I’ve consciously, deliberately kind of tried to control them and keep them under wraps because I felt that they were so threatening to me, in part because of my interpretation of them through mass beliefs, but also, I guess a fear that my desire for that will kind of overwhelm me and destroy my grip on things or something.  Is that what you’re referring to?

ELIAS:  Define ... define the fear.  Express a definition that you hold of the fear of interaction, and how you associate that this is not acceptable for it shall be destructive to you.

DARYL:  Well, I guess it’s mostly a fear that if I open myself up to what I know I desire and say I desire, and allow myself to desire it, then my fear is that I will not then be able to manifest it, since I really haven’t been able to manifest it. (Sighing)

That’s kind of where it intersects with mass beliefs, because I thought of it as weakness or something that needed to be managed in me, and I have this fear that if I allow it to flow freely and then it isn’t met in any way, then that will, in effect, destroy me.

ELIAS:  Very well.  You are identifying your recognition of the fear in association with your expectation in relation to another individual.

Now; attempt to be identifying the fear of your natural flow of energy in expressing what you desire merely within yourself.  What is the fear of your potential of expression — not the expectation of the reciprocation of another individual or that your expression may not be met in like kind by another individual, but merely in the expression itself?

DARYL:  Well, this seems pretty related to me.  But also, in the expression itself, I feel like the expression itself drives other people away ... but that again relates to other people.

ELIAS:  Let me express to you briefly as an aside, the reason that I am inquiring in this manner is to spur you to be looking to self more intricately, and in that action, become more familiar with you and what you create and why you create in these types of situations, for this is an ongoing and — figuratively speaking, in your terms — a large issue.

In this, you may look to this situation in similarity to the idea of fear in greater proportion in association with success than with failure.

Now; in that scenario, an individual may be expressing more of an element or factor of fear than they may be objectively realizing or recognizing in association with success, for there are more expectations that are projected to self in relation to success, and there are more judgments in measurement of self in relation to success, than there are expressed in what you identify as failure.

Therefore, in that direction, associate that as the concept in relation to our discussion of your fear, in relation to expressing your desire and your natural flow of energy with respect to another individual, and how the fear is manifest within you.

What is the expression of fear within you in relation to your natural flow?  What is the identification of the beast?

DARYL:  It’s hard for me to say because my scenarios all end up in failure.  They just kind of stop at the idea of success.  They don’t even go there! (Laughing)

ELIAS:  Quite!  In this, your expression of fear is quite related to the concept of success.

For if you are allowing your natural flow of energy in your desire in relation to another individual, the surface identification of the fear is how you relate to the other individual and your assumption of their perception or your expression of energy in a lack of acceptance of their expression, which creates the failure, so to speak.

But the failure is more comfortable, for it is familiar, and there are less expectations in the expression of the failure, for you have reinforced yourself in the denial of the expectations concerning the other individual or that your expectations shall not be met by the other individual.

Therefore, you block the movement of yourself entirely without ever moving into the actual expression of freedom and the natural flow, for you have already diverted that energy merely from the expression of unfulfilled expectation which you view within another individual.

Therefore, it is unnecessary for you to move in the direction of examining your OWN lack of fulfillment of your OWN expectations.  This is not addressed.  This, to this point within your focus, is never examined, for you do not allow yourself to move to that point and to that expression.

In another manner of speaking, if you view a bicycle and you assess that the bicycle is dangerous, you create a perception within yourself that if you encounter this bicycle, it shall be hurtful and dangerous to you with[in] your movement in conjunction with it.

Therefore, if you never allow yourself to move in position to sit upon the bicycle and pedal, you do not examine your fear of your own expectation of how you shall manipulate the instrument, for you do not approach it.  You do not engage it.

DARYL:  That’s true.

ELIAS:  In similarity, you have engaged relationship with other individuals, but merely to the point in which you engage your expectation of the other individual, at which point you have not allowed your free flow of energy yet.

You are continuing to be protective and guarding of that expression in anticipation of the responses of the other individual and measuring those to your expectations, and in this, projecting that protective energy, which sets into motion the other expectations that you hold that the first expectations shall not be met.

And once the second expectations ARE met and the individual passes the test successfully at failing, you also have successfully guarded and protected your natural flow of energy and prevented it from being expressed, and prevented yourself from viewing it and knowing it and even being able to identify it objectively.

In this, partially you express what you in physical focus term as an expression of “the fear of [the] unknown.”  You have not allowed yourself to familiarize yourself with that aspect of you.  Therefore, objectively it is fearful to you, for it is unpredictable, and you know not what to create in expectation of it.

Now; in part, you do hold an expectation of what you THINK of as your natural flow of energy, what you define as your natural flow of energy, but this is hypothetical because you have not allowed yourself to explore and experience this.

But in the hypothetical expression, you do hold other expectations, expectations of what you may and what you should and what you most likely or probably shall express, and this is what you are asking in your question to myself to identify and to move with you in exploration of — NOT of your expectations of other individuals or that they may be unfulfilled, but your fear that you may not fulfill your OWN expectations of yourself in what you define as your natural flow of energy, and how that manifests and how that expresses itself objectively and outwardly in relation to another individual, and that it may be inadequate in YOUR expectation and your measurement.

DARYL:  Yeah.  Since we began talking, I’ve realized that I’ve drawn a lot of attention recently in me to fear of self, and to me, this is kind of the same issue. (Sighing)

ELIAS:  Yes.

DARYL:  It’s another expression of fear of self and being myself, whatever that is, because I really don’t know what that is.

ELIAS:  Correct.

In this, you also within this discussion may recognize one of the components, so to speak, in the why of your expression of wishing to be not visible or not present, for there is less expectation of self if you are not visible.  If you are not present, what shall you place upon yourself in expectation, but to be not present?

DARYL:  Well, that’s kind of a way out of the whole thing, is to not exist.

ELIAS:  Quite.

DARYL:  And it’s safer! (Laughing)

ELIAS:  Quite!  It is quite safe and quite protected.

DARYL:  It doesn’t have a lot of movement or freedom or possibilities there, though.

ELIAS:  You are correct.  It is quite limiting, but it is familiar and it is safe, in your perception, and it holds little expectations.

DARYL:  I don’t want to do that anymore.  I’m not happy there.  I want to move out of that.

ELIAS:  I am understanding, and this be the reason that you are speaking with me this day concerning this subject matter.

DARYL:  Yeah.  I just know it also really scares me.

ELIAS:  Quite, and I am quite understanding of that expression of fear, and am recognizing of its strength.  In this, within yourself, the beginning point may be to allow yourself to explore and identify the aspects of fear in your own expectation of self, not of other individuals.

Turn your attention away from the examination of your expectations or your unmet expectations or your disappointments in the expressions of other individuals — or in yourself in relation to other individuals — and turn your attention to the examination of your OWN desires, your OWN expressions, your own behaviors that frighten you, that you hold such great fear of that there is terror in unleashing them. (Pause)  These are the monsters.

DARYL:  Yeah.  And I know ... I mean, when I do turn it around to others, it’s all about me reflected back through others.

ELIAS:  You are correct.

Now; this also may offer you information without engaging another individual but in allowing yourself to examine your interactions with other individuals previously, and allowing yourself to identify your disappointments that have occurred in relation to another individual and the actions and behaviors that they have created that have not met your expectations, and therefore have created the identification and emotion of disappointment within you, and retreat.

As you examine those expressions viewing other individuals, you may offer yourself information as you turn those experiences to mirror yourself, and allow yourself to view the aspects of you that are so fearful, and that you fear you shall not meet in expectation of self.  This, as you have stated, manifests outwardly, and you view it in other individuals. (12-second pause)

Let me offer you a small example.

You create at times physical expressions within your physical body.  You create physical affectingnesses.  These are expressions that you incorporate to be gaining your attention in certain manners.  You are becoming familiar with these types of expressions of physical creations within your body.

Now; in relation to another individual and a relationship, you hold an expectation that should you create a physical expression within yourself that may be expressed in the exhibition of discomfort within yourself, the expectation projected to the other individual is that they shall be understanding of that physical expression and your discomfort, and that they shall be accepting of this.

Now; in this hypothetical situation in which you engage this hypothetical individual, this is your expectation in one area.  In another area, your expectation is that the individual of course shall not be understanding and shall not be accepting and shall be impatient with you.

Now; the expression that becomes created is the latter, for the first expectation you do not genuinely believe.  You project it as an expectation of a want.  The second expectation you genuinely believe, for it is the mirror of what you are creating yourself.

The first expectation is the want and the expression of the desire that shall be offered to self.  The second expectation is the expression that is actually being created within self.

Therefore, the first becomes a hope and a want and a gamble.  The second is what IS.

And in the second, there is a translation of energy which projects outwardly, and in actuality meets your expectation in the expression of the other individual, and offers you information as to what you are creating NOW within you — not what you wish to be creating, not what you want to be creating, but what you already ARE creating.

DARYL:  Which is my lack of acceptance of self.

ELIAS:  Correct.

DARYL:  Okay.

ELIAS:  Therefore, in viewing the mirror action, and allowing yourself to view the interactions that you have incorporated with these other individuals and their expressions and the events and experiences in which you identify the disappointment of unmet expectations, you offer yourself a clear objective example of what you are creating within yourself, and this is helpful to you in identifying the fear of your own expressions. (Pause)

The fear is not that you shall be free and expressing undaunted love and affection to another individual, that you shall freely expose yourself in mergence with another individual.  The fear is that you shall NOT create that action. (Pause)

DARYL:  Yeah.

ELIAS:  And that you shall not allow yourself your own expression of freedom, for it is unfamiliar, and in your physical mundane terms, you express to yourself, you do not know how.

DARYL:  I don’t feel like I do know how.

ELIAS:  I am understanding.

DARYL:  I mean, maybe I knew how at one point, but it’s been a long time since I felt like I even approached it.

ELIAS:  Quite, and the manner in which you may begin your approach is to refamiliarize yourself with YOU.

Explore your own expression and identify what it is.  Expressing to yourself or to myself that you wish to be engaging within a relationship with another individual in intimacy and commitment is quite a surface expression.  What is the identification of that?  How do you define what you are expressing?  This is vague and general.

Do you know within yourself what you desire for you?  What [do] you desire to be expressing within you — NOT within another individual, but within yourself?

Are you familiar with yourself?  Does yourself please you?  How shall it be pleasing to another individual if it is not pleasing to you?

Do you incorporate fun with yourself?  How shall you incorporate fun with another individual if you do not incorporate it within self?  It shall be unfamiliar to you. (26-second pause)

It is a challenge, is it not?

DARYL:  Yeah, it’s a huge challenge.

ELIAS:  But it is not impossible.

DARYL:  (Emotionally)  I know.  It’s just ... I’ve spent so long not being myself that turning it around in the other direction is....

ELIAS:  A challenge.

DARYL:  I mean, I know somewhere inside that I know how to do it, and now I’m in the process of doing it, but it’s....

ELIAS:  Ashrah!  Do not be discouraged.  Encourage yourself in viewing the tremendous movement and strides you have already created, which you have!

DARYL:  Yeah, and I know I’ve gotten to a point where I can do this.  I can feel it within myself, and I know I have the desire, and I know that my desire has become stronger than my fear.

ELIAS:  And were you not moving in this position, you would not be engaging this conversation with myself.

DARYL:  Yeah.

ELIAS:  This conversation that you have engaged with myself is a validation of what you have just expressed — that your desire is greater than your fear.  For the desire has overridden the fear of the discussion and allowed you to move into the interaction with myself this day, beyond the immobilization of the fear.

Therefore, in this very action, in this very moment and this discussion, you have already leapt an enormous hurdle and wrestled an enormous challenge.

DARYL:  So.... (Pause, sighing)

ELIAS:  In this....

DARYL:  Think of it that way, that I’ve taken the leap, so to speak.

ELIAS:  Yes.  And in this, allow yourself to not be fighting with yourself, to not be struggling with yourself, but to be exploring and familiarizing and becoming aware of this creature that is YOU.

You may be approaching you in like manner to a new creation, for you are allowing yourself to view and discover aspects of yourself that you have so far removed that they may appear to you to be new and wondrous!  They are not hideous expressions and monstrous creatures.  They are wondrous elements of you!

In like manner to the association of the bicycle, the bicycle is not the monstrous creature that is holding tremendous potential to be hurtful and destructive to you, and lies in wait to be sabotaging your effort.  It is an instrument that you may couple yourself with and engage and soar, and express tremendous freedom of mobility, and in that, even create swiftness, and it allows you in that swiftness to move in whatever direction you choose.

What you are embarking upon is the discovery of your free flow of energy, which shall carry you with the ease of the bicycle and allow you to fly in whichever direction you choose.

DARYL:  (Sighing)  Okay. (Elias chuckles)  It’s just ... I don’t know.  It’s just amazing to me that I’ve gotten ... I don’t know.  And I know I’m not the only one, but that we go so far in the other direction, and then ... and there’s no reason for it.  I mean, it’s not like ... I don’t know.  Even within duplicity terms or something, it’s not like I’m some horrendous creature or something.

ELIAS:  Ah, but....

DARYL:  It’s like it’s all for nothing.  There’s no basis for it.

ELIAS:  It is all not for nothing.

DARYL:  Well, I mean in terms of, there’s no basis for me to fear myself or feel that way about myself.

ELIAS:  But it is a choice, and that choice is purposeful.  And within the design of this physical dimension, which incorporates as its foundation sexuality and emotion, you have created choices that purposefully offer you certain experiences, [and] that also — within the design of your personality, your orientation, your individual unique expression — allows you to turn and create another choice that the first choice has enhanced.

DARYL:  That’s for sure! (Laughing)

ELIAS:  Therefore, it is purposeful.

I am understanding that you express to yourself, “Why shall I not create some expression that may be more easily expressed or less extreme?”  But each individual uniquely creates choices that shall enhance their experience in their exploration of this physical manifestation, and you also are creating in like manner.

DARYL:  I know I’ve recognized before that that was my intent.  I just did such a fine job of fulfilling that! (Laughing)

ELIAS:  Ah, and you have!  And you shall be creating a fine job in your new exploration!

DARYL:  Well, that’ll be something then! (Elias chuckles)  Well, okay.  Well, I would appreciate it if you would, as you always do, continue to interact with me.

ELIAS:  And I shall!

DARYL:  I know it’s an intense area for me ... and I guess now I want to move on to a couple of other questions that are much less intense! (Laughing)

ELIAS:  Very well!

DARYL:  One of them is that I got information on the focus ... it seemed to me that I held a religious position and that I was chased down and killed by a mob.  Now, I’ve tried to identify this, if it’s one I’m familiar with, and I thought it might be my Jesuit focus, but the time frame actually seemed earlier than that.  Is this the focus that I’m already aware of?

ELIAS:  No.  This is a focus of another individual; in actuality, a female.

DARYL:  But this is one of my focuses?

ELIAS:  Yes, and this individual is associated with a religious institution.

DARYL:  Would this be early Christian, or...?

ELIAS:  Yes.

DARYL:  Okay.  Okay, so would it be more or less contemporary with like Jacob in the first century, or is it later than that?

ELIAS:  In physical terms, later, within third century, in which....

DARYL:  Okay, so it had to do with Christianity.

ELIAS:  Yes, and the individual engages similar preferences to yourself within this manifestation, and this be her creation of unacceptability as to her choices.  Quite extreme!

DARYL:  Yeah, it was quite intense when I went through that in the dream state.  Okay.  Now, is she of similar tone?

ELIAS:  Yes.

DARYL:  Okay, because there would be a similarity, in a sense, with some of the other focuses I’ve known of similar tone, where we have expressions of fear, but this one seems to be more extreme than the others I’ve found.

ELIAS:  You are correct, and as you look to the preference in what you term to be a lifestyle, and you allow yourself to be creating an objective connection with this individual, you may also view many more similarities.

DARYL:  Okay.  Can you give me a name for her, or do you want me to investigate that?

ELIAS:  I shall allow you to engage your impression.  It is excellent practice!

DARYL:  Okay.  Okay, well, thank you for that information.

ELIAS:  Ha ha!  You are quite welcome!

DARYL:  I also wanted to get some information on behalf of another individual named Steve ... if I could have his essence name, family, alignment, and orientation. (Pause)

ELIAS:  Essence name, Grenadier; G-R-E-N-A-D-I-E-R. (gren-ah-deer’)  Essence family, Sumafi; alignment, Ilda; orientation, common.

DARYL:  Okay, thank you.  I know he’ll appreciate that.

ELIAS:  You are welcome.

DARYL:  Okay.  Another thing I’ve wondered about is, before, in the spring, we talked about headaches I was having, and they were related to the energy surges.  I’ve been having headaches that seem similar, especially in the past few weeks, and I wondered, are we still having energy surges?

ELIAS:  Yes, and I shall also offer to you in addition that in relation to the increase in movement and intensity of this wave in consciousness addressing to the belief system of duplicity, and the objective addressing that individuals in great numbers are presenting to themselves, this creates movement within consciousness within energy also, which also creates more of an expression of these energy surges.

DARYL:  Kind of like a rippling effect?

ELIAS:  More in relation to what you may identify as your sparklers.

The base point of the fire of the sparkler in your fireworks may be the expression of the individuals in mass quantities that are objectively addressing to certain aspects of duplicity in conjunction with this wave in consciousness, and as you all create these objective expressions that allow you to examine these aspects of duplicity in their expressions, you create sparks of energy, and as many individuals create these sparks of energy, it creates energy surges.

In a manner of speaking, you are creating sparking ripples within the energy of consciousness, but they are sharper than waves, so to speak.  They are bursts of energy which are being created quite in association with this movement addressing to duplicity, and there are great, great numbers of individuals that are objectively presenting themselves with aspects of this belief system now.

DARYL:  So there’s a lot going on out there! (Laughing)

ELIAS:  Quite!

DARYL:  Okay, one last quick thing.  My last session of breathing difficulty ... now, I know I had my own timing in association with that, and that it had to do with fear of self and dropping the veils of separation.  But the timing was associated with the day they got together in Alabama and the day that the gathering ended, and I felt within myself that it had to do with me dropping veils of separation in relation to other individuals within the forum, and that was why it was associated with the gathering.  Is that correct?

ELIAS:  Yes, and allowing yourself to venture into the expression of opening yourself to other energies.  I may also express to you that in association with that particular time framework, you also allowed yourself to be interactive with some elements of Michael’s energy, and this created an association of apprehension also.

DARYL:  Okay, ‘cause I was wondering if it involved other members of the group that were present with Michael, or only Michael?

ELIAS:  Not only, but in some aspects, as to the duration and the association of the time framework, this was an association with Michael in some of the expressions of apprehension, or even translatable into anxiety.

As to tension and constriction in breathing in other areas, you are associating with an attempt to be opening to the energy of other individuals — and groups of individuals — and allowing more of an expression of that energy within you, which creates a fearful expression, to be allowing yourself that openness or that vulnerability.

DARYL:  Okay.  Did that also have to do with similar feelings on Michael’s part, or...?

ELIAS:  Yes.

DARYL:  Pardon?

ELIAS:  Yes, in a manner of speaking....

DARYL:  Okay, so that would be one reason I would connect with him.

ELIAS:  Yes.

DARYL:  Okay, alright.  So that might be something that might recur in future such gatherings?

ELIAS:  Not necessarily.

DARYL:  Okay.  Well, I guess I’m hoping it doesn’t, because I’m hoping maybe I get to meet you in person! (Elias chuckles) I guess there’s one coming up soon.

Okay.  Well, our time is up. (Sighing)  I can’t say this has been as much fun as the last session, but....

ELIAS:  HA HA HA HA HA!

DARYL:  But I can feel that something significant has happened.

ELIAS:  Therefore, it may not be assessed as fun, but beneficial. (Grinning)

DARYL:  Yes.

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha ha ha!

DARYL:  A turning point!

ELIAS:  And I shall continue, as always, to be present with you and to be offering an expression of energy and encouragement to you.  I shall hold your hand, if need be. (Chuckling)

DARYL:  I appreciate that!

ELIAS:  And in this, we shall also seek to engage SOME elements of fun! (Chuckling)

DARYL:  Yeah, I think there will be more of that as I move through this.

ELIAS:  Ha ha!  Very well....

DARYL:  It’s the destination, in some respects.

ELIAS:  Ha ha!  Very well!  I offer to you once again, my friend, great affection, as always, and to you this day, au revoir.

DARYL:  Au revoir.

Elias departs at 6:43 p.m.

© 2001  Vicki Pendley/Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2000 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.